Hung Jury: Massive Attack

Track: Massive Attack
Artist: Nicki Minaj

Randy: Stealing reggae-dancehall marketshare from an AWOL Missy Elliot (not to mention Lil' Kim's hypersexualized stylings), Nicki Minaj bounces together a scrappy, sweaty, tom-tom-banging smasher. Coupled with singer/songwriter Sean Garrett (dude wrote Usher's "Yeah" back in '04, and his R&B resume exploded afterwards), the infectious, alien groove might leave you spotting weird lights in the night sky. Verdict: [B]

Kyle: An assault of awkward jumps and halts, tempo rubato ad nauseum and a female clone of Lil Wayne taking lead vocals, "Massive Attack" is indeed that. But despite the plug-your-ears auditory chaos, Nicki Minaj manages somehow, against all odds, to craft a surprisingly boring track. It feels more like a spirited remix of a simple and formulaic clubbing hit than an original take on the genre. In fact, it's almost impossible to understand Randy's enjoyment of this song--until you hear the non-sequitur "Mister Miyagi" reference. June 11th, Randy. We'll eagerly await your review. Verdict: [C-]

Randy: Without throat cancer, copious auto-tune, or surprisingly witty lyricism, drawing parallels to Lil' Wayne is painful proof that Kyle never actually listened to this track, as I'd suspected. Plus, Kyle's self-contradictions are more confusing than any speeding up and slowing down of the tempo; the inclusion of which pretty much solidifies the track's non-formulaic approach. (Another tip: Know your audience, Kyle. No one except your classically-trained singing girlfriend knows what "tempo rubato" means.)

Kyle: While I understand how Randy's amateur ears could be fooled by Nicki's feigned island-hop accent in the first part of the song, her similarities to Lil Wayne--an inflamed-bronchi tonality and rushed-yet-precise delivery--are pretty obvious upon listening to the song a second time. But I won't blame Randy for giving this subpar track only one listen; instead, I'll just provide a "Skip to the Bad Part" piece of evidence to avoid torturing our massive readership. Randy: For a few lil similarities (get it?), look no farther than your favorite part of the song, here, with the aforementioned Karate Kid reference along with a Mufasa namedrop (gee, remind you of anyone?). Additionally, tempo changes that sound like this are a standard of dancehall remixes. Feel free to read my review of the track (above) where I first point this out.

(Parenthetical response to your attempted condescension: Since she makes up a full 50% of our audience, I think it's fair to use terms recently learned from my classically-trained singer girlfriend.)

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