Hung Jury: "Airplanes, Part II"

Track: Airplanes, Part II [feat. Eminem and Hayley Williams of Paramore]
Album: B.o.B Presents: The Adventures of Bobby Ray
Artist: B.o.B

Randy: Best parts of this B.o.B track are the guest appearances. Hayley Williams has a guttural passion in her hook, and Eminem has a hungry-stomach delivery that's been missing for some time now. Em only comes in on the last verse, but easily makes himself the 51-percent shareholder of the track. Verdict: [B-]

Kyle: Upon a first listen, I'm not super impressed. I'll hit it again.

Randy: Nah. Might be too poppy for you. I was putting it into a "Run This Town" Kanye West kinda category, though not quite the monster that that one was.

Kyle: Nope, not too poppy. Just not strong enough. I'll hit it again.

Randy: Yeah, well, dude's #7 on Billboard's R&B/Hip-Hop chart, so you go ahead and get back to me on what would be "strong enough" for your pop sensibilities KTHXBYE.

Kyle: I like it when people claim popularity as proof of a song's high quality. Especially when those people are smart enough to know better.

Randy: I like backhanded compliments. No, really.

Kyle: I like handsome-but-irritable half-Filipino coworkers.

Randy: That's a rather specific demographic you indicate. Yet I accept your apology.

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Due Process: Date Night

Date Night's flaw is that it fails to fully capitalize on its greatest strengths: Tina Fey and Steve Carell. Putting too much emphasis on the ho-hum plot (a mistaken-identity caper wherein a bored married couple gets swept into a web of crime) and cartoonish stunts that take the focus off Fey and Carell, the movie slows down at the exact moments when it should be speeding up, leaving you to forget for 10-15 minutes at a time just how funny the leads are.

For example, director Shawn Levy makes interesting cinematographic choices in several scenes by playing up a dramatic style (ostensibly to emphasize the humor of the ridiculous situations). And while it's easy to admire Levy's attempts to drive comedy through a dramatic lens, his results dampen the mood and destroy the film's momentum. Watching Date Night in a theater packed with high-school students, I couldn't help but echo their ADHD sentiments during these frequent lulls in comedy.

But when they get the attention they deserve, Fey and Carell are hilarious. Without struggling to top each other as many short-term comedy duos do, each plays into the other's strengths to create some of the funniest moments I've seen in recent years. These laughs rarely stretch beyond a few seconds, though, and they show up inconsistently. Verdict: [B-]

Hung Jury: Massive Attack

Track: Massive Attack
Artist: Nicki Minaj

Randy: Stealing reggae-dancehall marketshare from an AWOL Missy Elliot (not to mention Lil' Kim's hypersexualized stylings), Nicki Minaj bounces together a scrappy, sweaty, tom-tom-banging smasher. Coupled with singer/songwriter Sean Garrett (dude wrote Usher's "Yeah" back in '04, and his R&B resume exploded afterwards), the infectious, alien groove might leave you spotting weird lights in the night sky. Verdict: [B]

Kyle: An assault of awkward jumps and halts, tempo rubato ad nauseum and a female clone of Lil Wayne taking lead vocals, "Massive Attack" is indeed that. But despite the plug-your-ears auditory chaos, Nicki Minaj manages somehow, against all odds, to craft a surprisingly boring track. It feels more like a spirited remix of a simple and formulaic clubbing hit than an original take on the genre. In fact, it's almost impossible to understand Randy's enjoyment of this song--until you hear the non-sequitur "Mister Miyagi" reference. June 11th, Randy. We'll eagerly await your review. Verdict: [C-]

Randy: Without throat cancer, copious auto-tune, or surprisingly witty lyricism, drawing parallels to Lil' Wayne is painful proof that Kyle never actually listened to this track, as I'd suspected. Plus, Kyle's self-contradictions are more confusing than any speeding up and slowing down of the tempo; the inclusion of which pretty much solidifies the track's non-formulaic approach. (Another tip: Know your audience, Kyle. No one except your classically-trained singing girlfriend knows what "tempo rubato" means.)

Kyle: While I understand how Randy's amateur ears could be fooled by Nicki's feigned island-hop accent in the first part of the song, her similarities to Lil Wayne--an inflamed-bronchi tonality and rushed-yet-precise delivery--are pretty obvious upon listening to the song a second time. But I won't blame Randy for giving this subpar track only one listen; instead, I'll just provide a "Skip to the Bad Part" piece of evidence to avoid torturing our massive readership. Randy: For a few lil similarities (get it?), look no farther than your favorite part of the song, here, with the aforementioned Karate Kid reference along with a Mufasa namedrop (gee, remind you of anyone?). Additionally, tempo changes that sound like this are a standard of dancehall remixes. Feel free to read my review of the track (above) where I first point this out.

(Parenthetical response to your attempted condescension: Since she makes up a full 50% of our audience, I think it's fair to use terms recently learned from my classically-trained singer girlfriend.)

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Due Process: Congratulations

Album: Congratulations
Artist: MGMT

MGMT refuses to learn from its success. With Congratulations, they throw out the book on their winning pop-friendly proto-electronica and replace it with tired surfer rock tropes and unwelcome tonal hopscotch.

"Someone's Missing" is obviously missing Michael from the Jackson 5. "Flash Delerium" treads ill-conceived middleground between the Black Kids and the Klaxons. "I Found a Whistle" sounds like a plodding script read of a latter-day M. Night Shyamalan film. While "Brian Eno" and "Lady Dada's Nightmare" are a muse-scramble that fail to emulate or flatter their namesakes. And the title track provides little reassurance for an album that ultimately orchestrates MGMT's precipitous fall.

This surf-rock shame doesn't so much hang ten as it does sit dead in the water. Verdict: [D+]

Skip to the good part: Congratulations

Summons: Losing Light

Some singer/songwriter dude named Billy Polard made this video using Flipnote on his Nintendo DSi. The sketches to this song, "Losing Light," tell a simple, bittersweet tale.

Snap Judgment: Nightcall

Track: "Nightcall"
Album: Nightcall EP
Artist:  Kavinsky

Kyle: I don't know anything about Kavinsky. But based on the title track from Nightcall EP, he's an insomniac stalker from the '80s who loves to drive. Also, the girl he's obsessed with happens to be CSS's Lovefoxxx (not Rilo Kiley's Jenny Lewis, as I first thought).

Which goes to say, this song is creepy. It opens with the sounds of a payphone being dialed while crickets chirp in the background, before a wolf's howling leads into a hypnotic throwback synthesizer chord progression. The instrumentals are spot-on '80s: nostalgic and scary at the same time, they form a perfect backdrop to Kavinsky's psychotic singing through a voice-changer (a device used by prank callers and Scream-style murderers to disguise their voices). Serving as counterpoint is Lovefoxxx's vulnerably curious chorus, which underscores the instability of this story's protagonist.

And this sh*t is catchy. Surprisingly so. The plodding rhythms will have your head bobbing in agreement, even as you doubt the caller's intentions when he says "I'm gonna show you where it's dark, but have no fear." Verdict: [A-]

Randy: Kyle's stalker fantasies finally (finally!) gain solid soundtrack footing. This is a David Lynchian "Every Breath You Take," steeped in the warbling, neon shadow of a 1980's rise in violent crime. It'll shock you just how readily your breathing and footsteps match the prowling pace. Verdict: [A-]

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Snap Judgment: Ninja Assassin

Randy: More for Saw fans than for anybody interested in an actual martial arts flick. The shiny-ketchup blood is eye-rolling without eliciting any meaningful, visceral response to the violence. Corny, without the honor of being campy. Verdict: [F]

Kyle: I don't know why Randy rented Ninja Assassin, but I saw it on the big screen (bigger globs of shiny-ketchup blood) when it first came out... knowing it would be bad. I'd say more, if it weren't for its damning lack of memorability--even as a massive failure. Verdict: [F]

Due Process: The Blind Side

Start a story with a moral in mind, then the story, by neccessity, becomes afterthought. Start a story with a story in mind - as the Blind Side does - then the moral fiber can interweave far more organically. Quote-unquote Christian screenwriters, please, for the love of God, take note. This true story of Baltimore Ravens offensive tackle, Michael Oher, is inspirational, sans (most of) any shoehorned sermonizing. Verdict: [C+]